The Pizza In The Forensic Anthropologist
by Melkur
Summary: Whilst taking a break from the Gravedigger case Temperance Brennan takes over from a nearby receptionist, believing it to be a chance to connect with people better, only to be served pizza by none other than Peter Parker / Spiderman. (Based upon Emily Deschenal's scene in Spiderman 2) Set post 'Aliens In A Spaceship'


INT – Office Building, 10th floor reception area

A large reception area facing 3 identically designed lift doors. The floor is covered in black & white checked tiles.

Against the wall opposite the lifts is a large receptionists desk, at which TEMPERANCE BRENNAN is sat, wearing a receptionist's style headpiece connected to the phone. She is chewing gum & drinking a bottled soft drink with a straw.

To her left is a corridor, at the end of which is a janitors closet. The corridor 'bends off' to the right in front of it.

Behind her are several pieces of art.

'Muzack' is playing in the background.

A noise comes from the janitorial closet comes the noise of several brooms being knocked over as PETER PARKER walks through it from the window.

Parker opens the door, carrying 8 boxes of pizza strapped together with two 'stretchy bike wire clips'.

A couple of brooms fall out the closet, hitting him. He puts down the pizzas & wrestles with the brooms to get them back into the closet.

After a couple of moments trying to get them back in he succeeds & shuts the closet door behind them. He picks up the pizzas, a joyous smile on his face.

He realizes that he's left some webbing on the top box, scrapes it off, puts it in his back right pocket & walks over towards Temperance. She does **not** seem to be amused.

He triumphantly puts the boxes down on the desk, a large smile on his face.

Parker

(Triumphant)  
**Pizza time**!

Temperance slowly glances at the clock behind her to the left (it's 2.05pm), & then back at Parker. She chews her gum

Temperance

(Attempting a Brooklyn accent)

**You're late…**

She shakes her head non approvingly

Temperance

(In her 'normal' accent, almost stern)

**I'm not paying for those**…

Parker sighs & carefully, somewhat annoyed, removes the two wires from around the boxes. He then starts walking back over to the janitor's closet (intending to web sling back).

As he reaches the 3rd elevator –

Temperance

**Elevator**…

Parker realizes where he's going, turns around, walks over to the 'elevator call' button & presses it. After a few seconds the third from the left elevator's doors 'ding' open, he walks over to it and enters.

He presses the button for the ground floor, waves 'goodbye' to Temperance and the doors once more 'ding' close.

Temperance takes down the top box of pizza from the pile, opens it, takes out a slice & starts eating it.

The doors to the middle elevator 'ding' open & SEELEY BOOTH exits.

Booth starts walking past Temperance, as if he hadn't noticed her. After walking past he stops, takes a few steps back & slowly looks left, towards Temperance. He gives her a confused, quizzical expression.

Temperance quickly finishes chewing on the pizza section, swallows & waves at Booth.

Temperance

(Enthusiastic)

**Hey Booth**!

Booth

(Confused)

**Uuuuh Bones** (pause) we have a **case**, **what the hell** are you doing **here**?...

Temperance

Well, you told me that, in order to get a better understanding of the victims of the murders we investigate I needed to be more 'in tune' with their lives before they died, so, as you'd gone I think I'd try something so, so I sent Katie the receptionist off for an extended lunch whilst I did a recreation of what she does on a day – to – day basis.

Temperance takes the headset off her head, puts it gently & neatly on the table besides the phone, gets up from the chair & walks round the desk to stand next to Booth.

They pick up 4 pizza boxes each & start walking down the corridor

Booth

& **how** did pizza stem from **that** idea?

Temperance

Well, she said she was going out for pizza with someone later & I couldn't remember when we last had some, so I got some for us, Zack, Angela, Hodgins & Dr Saroyan…

Booth

… I don't think we've ever had pizza together Bones…

Temperance

**My point exactly**.

She starts smiling, almost like a child whose done something that they deem to be really good.

Temperance

(In her usual 'ecstatic' voice

& also, the delivery boy was late so I told him he was late & that I wasn't going to pay…

Booth

(Impressed)

Well look at you, "sticking it to the man"!

Temperance  
(In 'describing something she finds fascinating' voice)

Anthropologically speaking in delivering pizzas on time is an expectation of this culture. His lateness was not acceptable. I mean, certain Mesopotamian cultures took lateness…

Booth

(Cutting her off)

Ok, I get it, you basically told him to "swivel".

Temperance stops dead, still constantly looking at Booth.

After a few feet Booth realizes that Temperance isn't walking with him & he turns around to face her.

Temperance

I don't know what that means…

Booth

(Slowly, trying to think of the right words)

It means that you, uh, told him to (pause, think) 'stuck it to him' & just told him to go away…

Temperance

**Oh**, **right**

She starts walking, 'catches up' with Booth & they continue walking down the corridor.

Temperance

You know something

Booth

What?

Temperance

You know the 'boy' that served me, the one who was late delivering the pizzas?

Booth

I know **of** him

Temperance

I think he's **Spiderman**…

Booth 'snort's in laughter.

Booth

(In laughter)

What?

Temperance

('Straight faced')

**I think he's Spiderman**…

Booth

I heard you. (pause) What lead you to this 'fabulous' conclusion?

(As Temperance lists her 'theory' she taps each of the fingers on her right hand with her thumb.)

Temperance

("Describing something she finds interesting" voice)

Well, for starters on an anthropological level he appeared to be of the right demographic, height, weight & build of what I've seen of Spiderman, not along gender &, according to Zack the majority of 'modern day' superheroes of 'white' American descent, **which he was**...

Booth

Ok, so he was white & had a similar build, what does that's prove?

Temperance

**Come on** Booth, it's **basic** profiling – Even a **FBI like yourself** **agent** would know that…

Booth

Who brought my FBI background into this? – I was merely asking you if you knew what you were talking about…

Temperance

**Besides**, he was in the cupboard, **how else** did he get into there **but** by being Spiderman? – We're on the 10th floor Booth!

Booth

Then maybe he was in there for a couple hours…

Temperance

These pizza boxes are warm, he **couldn't** have been in there for a few minutes, **& besides**, you think someone would have seen, heard or smelt smoothing by now – This isn't that British sci-fi series "Doctor Who", Booth, not everyone's peripheral senses aren't "shot to hell".

Booth

Nor is it "Heroes" Bones, but you still don't see people running around New York battling crazed villains using super powers!

Temperance

**What about Citizen 14**?

Booth

He was a fictional character created by a leukemia sufferer to build up the 'courage' to free his lover from her tyrannical husband, **who**, **by the way**, was **not** super powered.

Temperance

I **realize that**, **obviously**, but how else do you think that he got up here without me seeing him? – It's not as if he left the elevator, walked to the cupboard, got in & climbed out again all without making a noise when he could have just as easily walked out of the elevator, **like you did**, **even if** I **never** heard or saw them open or close **once**…

Booth

Maybe he came through from a different elevator system or up the stairs…

Temperance

He was late, surely it would have been beneficial for him as the provider & to me as the payer that he came up the main centeral elevator to increase the chance of getting paid & that the pizzas remained at their highest temperature or constitution?

Booth

Maybe you're just over thinking it…

Temperance

But how did he get in there & what was the benefit of doing so?

Booth

"There are more things in heaven and earth than are dreamt of in your philosophy" Bones…

Temperance

Hamlet Act 1 Scene 5. But what does philosophy got to do with the credibility of my thesis that that 'boy' who came out of the closet was Spiderman?

Booth giggles & Temperance squints at him.

Temperance

What?

Booth

He came out the closet?

Temperance

**He did**, I thought I'd already established that to you Seeley…

Booth sighs, smiles & shakes his head

Booth

Sometimes humor is **wasted** on you…

Temperance

**What** humor?

Booth

(Using his left hands as a 'glove puppet')

You said that he "came out the closet"

Temperance

(Slow realization, in her "describing something 'fascinating'" voice)

**Oooh**, you were referring to the need for 'effeminate' people to "come out of the closet", so to speak, to their family & peers. (Pause, 'beat') It wasn't **that** funny…

Booth

Now **cum on'** Bones, **it was**…

Temperance

Making fun of people because they need to "come out" isn't **that** funny. **If anything it's slightly homophobic**…

Booth

Oh, & you're the "master" of how to talking to people without offending them…

Temperance stops, folds her arms & glares at him. Booth sighs & turns to face her.

Temperance

I **resent** that accusation, **you know **at times I have difficulty phrasing things in a manner that won't offend people – **That's why** I leave that sort of thing to **you**…

Booth takes a few steps towards Temperance & strokes her right arm with his left, almost lovingly.

Booth

All right, I didn't mean that, you know that. It's just that we've been under a lot of pressure recently trying to find "The Gravedigger", you know that. The pressure's just been getting to me recently. All I can think about is how much I want to find that sick bastard before he claims any more victims & be brought to justice for what he's done to all those people…

Temperance

(Sympathetically)

Especially the Kent twins, I take it?...

Booth

**Especially** the Kent twins (he sighs), they both were so young…

Temperance gives him a sympathetic smile – She cares too

Temperance

(Sadly)

Too young… (Pause) Come on, let's go find the others, spend sometime with them with them, I think we both need to be around the people we care about. (Beat) & besides, we'll find him eventually; you know that as well as I do.

Booth

I do, (sigh) one day…

They quickly hug & continue walking down the corridor, arm in arm, holding the pizza boxes under their other arms.

**END**


End file.
